December 23.2010

A simple observation that I have realized about myself is that I do not do the Unknown very well. Grand uncertainty stirs up a form of fear and insecurity that leaves me very unsettled. Now, I do maintain a more than adequate amount of spontaneity and flexibility, almost to the point where it can prove to be debilitating to myself; but I thrive best within some form of defined boundaries.

I can explain this best by implementing a short spectrum: intense black and white acting as polar opposites with a minimal to slightly moderate amount of gray in between. I try to keep my gray under control.

Control is my keyword.

As of late, my life stage has become gray. My polar absolutes remain to be my menial paychecks, my frustrated passions and the steadfast Lord. I have been maintaining; but desire the beginning of another secure adventure (oxymoron). I have been coping well until the Whirlwind came. This was the adventure to take on, my challenge; but it manifested itself in the worst of ways.

I am formulating an unwanted escape to remedy my disheveled self.